| |
| |
|
Grief & Loss Information |
|
|
|
Grief Masks
October makes me think of Halloween, and Halloween makes me think of masks, and masks remind me that sometimes when we're grieving, we wear masks without even realizing it. We may never stop to think about how other people perceive our appearances, our images and our behaviors. Over time, we may gradually drift into a pattern of "being" that is so familiar to us we never realize that others might be seeing us in a totally different way. Our pain may have caused us to have an outwardly distorted appearance, even when inwardly we may actually feel we are reconciling to our losses. Some people appear to be continually anger and bitter, when in fact it is only a reflection of their sadness. Even though their inward hostilities have begun to soften and resolve, on the outside they have kept their protective masks of fierceness. In reality, they are starved for love and companionship, but they are afraid to let their true feelings show. What if they were ridiculed, violated or abandoned and therefore hurt anew? On the other hand, there are those who have adopted a perpetually "sunny" countenance that covers an internal sorrow. Their hearts and minds and faith may be splintered, but they are determined that the people around them will never guess their secret. They may believe that showing sorrow is a weakness that will drive away the people they think they need. It would appear that masks are psychological props that seem to protect us from something we fear. For some people, self disclosure is as repulsive as public nudity! It seems safer for mask-wearers to endure the lack of support and attention they so sorely need rather than to honestly reveal their innermost feelings. I wonder what would happen if we all let down our guards and allowed our families, friends, neighbors and co-workers to discover our real pain. Would our revelations really make us any more weak or vulnerable? Would we really be at any more emotional risk? Could we be hurt any more than we've already been? Naturally, if we take the chance of disclosing our true selves, revealing where we are weak or frightened or hurt, there is always the possibility that we might become prey for the predators. The vultures seem always to be circling. But there is also the chance that we will provide an opportunity for the intelligent, strong and compassionate of our peers to offer their support. Where there is evil, there is also good. Where there is pain, there is also healing. Nature teaches us that in life, there is balance. Precisely because we have suffered the ultimate wound-the death of one who was truly loved-perhaps eventually we can afford to take more risks. It's a tough issue: Dare we risk the pain of being hurt again if we disclose? Or have we become strong enough and brave enough to take a chance on the rediscovery of love and the richness of new attachments? Is it true that what does not kill us makes us stronger? Perhaps it becomes a question of giving ourselves enough time to form scar tissue. We may need to proceed cautiously, taking baby-step risks at first, trusting our most private thoughts, feelings and needs to only one or two close and dependable friends. We may need to test the formation of delicate new bondings-even in old relationships! Gradually, we may be able to uncover enough of our hidden courage to feel safe in abandoning our protective masks and revealing our true feelings-not only to the world at large, but more importantly, to ourselves. Good Grief Resources (http://www.goodgriefresources.com) was conceived and founded by Andrea Gambill whose 17-year-old daughter died in 1976. Almost thirty years of experience in leading grief support gropus, writing, editing, and founding a national grief-support magazine has provided valuable insights into the unique needs of the bereaved and their caregivers and wide access to many excellent resources. The primary goal of Good Grief Resources is to connect the bereaved and their caregivers with as many bereavement support resources as possible in one, efficient and easy-to-use website directory.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Whens Sarah Coming Home? Helping Your Child Understand Death For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his morning song, a child experiences profound and lasting loss for the first time in their young lives. Do You Know Someone Whos Dying? Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of society's most unrecognized and under-served groups. As individuals near the end of life they are often ignored, discounted, misunderstood and forgotten. Cultivate a Friendship with Death Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark." - BaconThere may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of all we fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an unknown entity to most people. Tenderizing Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate letter that was so full of venom and hostility, it gave me shivers. The ultra-religious lady who wrote it is young and passionate about her beliefs. And You Always Will I opened the dishtowel drawer for about the sixth time, hoping the towels had somehow magically appeared.The brand new towels still weren't there, of course. Good Grief! If tears are an indication of how special my relationship with my mother was, I cry with pride! I've come to see grief as pain with a purpose. Interestingly enough, as I cared for my mother in my home the last several weeks of her life, much of what I had learned through spiritual teachings about death had gone out the window. Made in Heaven Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend - my Mother. Angel of Comfort... The Story I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night news, a news story came on that really touched my heart. On the way home in the wedding limo . Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into awareness. No one had thought beyond making it through the grievous night. Sympathy Messages The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. Is Death Really the End or the Window to A New Beginning? Earlier this month I learned a dear friend had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She has been given less than six months to live as the cancer has fully permeated her liver and pancreas. Dealing With Grief and Loss - How to Mend a Broken Heart What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.We understand that this is necessary, at a surface level, but how we are feeling is what really counts. Death Poem During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death was never far from my mind. We had been told he was dying and even a time in which it was supposed to happen. Suicide in the Church Part 1 Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. Whats It All About? For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence - and when I say ordinary I mean a contented, 'far from perfect' way of life. And that's okay? until something major happens to rock the boat. How to Deal With A Death in the Family and Still Run Your Small Business As a small business owner we have to deal with tax law changes, local ordinances, environmental laws, Worker's Compensation, etc. Just when we thought we had everything under control, something terrible happenes. Dads, Life, and Death When he looked at me, it was clear my father wasn't sure who I was. And as I looked back at him, I wasn't sure who he was, either. Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later went on to launch the Hospice movement in America. Learning to Live Again Overcoming death and beginning once again to live is the one thing that we never anticipate can happen after we have experienced death. The truth is however, that whether we like it or not life continues on. Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old you are when that loss occurs. For children who lose a parent, however, the effects can be devastating, indeed, and a plan will need to be put in place so that they can learn to accept this part of the life cycle and move on in a healthy, balanced manner.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
